I was very different from my brothers. They were all "boy", they liked to ride their skateboards, climb trees, play basketball and get dirty. I was the girly girl. I liked to dress in pink, color, and play with my dolls. I was afraid of heights and anything boyish, but I did like to make mud cakes and jump in the puddles. "B" and I were the fat, shy kids and resembles my dad. "R" and "D" were thin brothers, cute and outgoing ones and resembled my moms. "B" was loved by my grandparents because he was the first born. He was strong and tall. He became the families "B" will do it kid and he was a male. When my dad left, he was told that he was now the man of the house and had to take care of us. He took that literally. "R" was cute and popular and had a way of getting what he wanted. My grandma liked to take him shopping because everything he put on look perfect. "D" was the baby and as cute as he could be. Everyone loved him and wanted to protect him. He got away with everything. He was my best friend when we were little. I was his mother hen, especially when I was in high school. It caused problems between us. But I wanted to be best friends with all 3 of my brothers. But how do you become best friends with people who don't like to do the same things and one of them was a crybaby, tattle tailing brat. Yep that was me!
When I started kindergarten, I started reading words off the board. Simple words like cat, bat, sat. My teacher was so impressed that she had me stay in while all the other kids went out to play. She called another woman in and then asked me to start reading for her. They talked for a minute then the other woman took me to another room. It was a small room with no windows, maybe her office. She started having me read more and count and a few more school type math skills. It was called "resource" and this woman quizzing me I would soon find out was their resource teacher. In my eyes even now they are all very intelligent and I wanted to be just like them. She told me who she was and over and over again told me how much smarter I was than my brother. Even asked me if we had the same mom and dad. This would be one more thing that would make me different from them.There came a point that I used my intelligence to put them down when they wouldn't play with me or when I wanted to get my way but it didn't get me anywhere other than my brothers not wanting to be around me.
Don't get me wrong, my brothers did do things with my. "D" would play house with me and our neighbor. They were always married and I was the mom. "B" and "R" would let me sit on their scateboard and go down the ramp they built. Sometimes they would let me climb the boards they nailed into the trunk of the tree. I think they might have built a platform higher up but I was too afraid to climb past the first board. HHHMMM? I wonder if that was why they were okay inviting me up. They let me play the basketball game of "horse" and "R" taught me to ride a bike when I was about 8 or 9 and my training wheel flew off when we hit our dirt road coming home from the store. I know there were a lot of other things they let me do with them but I always felt like the outsider.
Shortly after my dad left, mom started telling me more and more that I was just like him, fat and lazy. She would compare "B" to him also. I don't know if it was as bad as what she would tell me because she needed him. Like I said before, he was the man of the house. I was very confused because I loved my dad but I was being told that she hated things about him and I was like him. I started hating him because she hated him and I didn't want to be like him. He was gone and I wanted her to love me.
Comments
Post a Comment